Random Conversation with My Kid about Optimism

Working from home today. Shan walks into the living room where I am sitting.

Shan: “Mom, my toilet won’t flush.”

Me: “Okay.”

Shan: “You don’t seem surprised.”

Me: “Nothing surprises me anymore. We need a well pump and my car’s all shot to heck.”

Shan (looking at the puppy lying next to me): “But you still have a dog. And a job. And dad has a job. And I haven’t dropped out of school.”

Me: “Yes, I am glad that I have a teenager with no babies or facial piercings or tattoos.”

Shan: “Oh, but I am getting a tattoo. Want me to show it to you?” (skips off excitedly to get her laptop.)

Me (muttering): “Dear – as usual – Lord.”

Random Conversation with My Kid about Bullies

I was in the kitchen, listlessly puttering around and preparing dinner. Shan walked in and noticed my sluggish demeanor.

Shan: “What is wrong with my mommy today?”

Mom: “Oh, I had one of those ‘sit in the bathroom and cry because someone hurt my feelings’ kind of days today.”

Shan: “Who is it, where can I find them and can I hurt them badly? NOBODY makes my mom cry except me!”

Random Conversation with My Kid about Choices

I hesitated to post this verbal exchange, as it’s not really an appropriate discussion to have with one’s progeny. However, Shan is 18 now and can’t be taken away from me by Social Services. Sooooo.

The other day, while driving, we played a game, as we usually do. Often it’s “name that tune” or “what’s that movie quote.” However, this time we played “Would you rather.” It’s a risqué game that asks you to pick which celebrity/character you’d “be friends with” (if you get my drift) if you had a chance…

Me: “Would you rather… Rick Castle or the Mentalist guy?”

Shan: “Castle.”

Me: “Would you rather… Angel or Spike?”

Shan: “Spike! Duh!”

Me: “Okay. Edward Cullen or that werewolf guy.”

Shan: “Ugh. You know I loathe all things Twilight. If forced at gunpoint, Jacob. Werewolf. Next.”

Me: “Cartman or Stewie?”

Shan: “OMG Lois! Creepy much?”

Me: “Nixay that one… Jon Bon Jovi or Bret Michaels?”

Shan: “Kurt Cobain.”

Me: “He’s dead.”

Shan: “And yet… Kurt Cobain.”

Me: “Ewwww! Okay. Lucky or Dante, from General Hospital.”

Shan: “Hmmm. Lucky on Friday and Dante on Saturday.”

Me: “*cough*SLUT*cough*”

Shan: “Ha ha Mom. This is your game anyways.”

Me: “Not mine, I found it on TMZ.com’s website.”

Shan: “*cough*WEIRD*cough* … My turn. Tiger Woods or Jesse James? (pause) If forced at gunpoint…”

Me: “Sorry. I’m takin’ the bullet on that one.”

Random Conversation with My Kid about Profanity

Leaving the theater the other day after watching Iron Man 2 –

Shan: “Why was that movie rated PG-13? They only said ‘sh*t’ twice during the entire movie. I said ‘sh*t’ more times than that walking in here.”

Random Conversation with My Kid about Genetics

Happy Birthday Shan!!

Recalling a conversation we had a couple of weeks ago...

Me: “I realized something about you the other day – you get both your best and worst qualities from your dad and me.”

Shan: (wry look and shrug) “Okay. Like …?”

Me: “You get your beautiful eyes and generous spirit from your dad. You get your great smile from me. Well, he has a great smile too, so you got double-gifted on that one.”

Shan: “Awww, you do both have great smiles.”

Me: “Thanks. As for the badness – you get that mule-headed stubborn streak from your dad. And your insane roller-coaster mood swings…”

Shan: “From you!”

Me: “Well, duh.”