Random Conversation with My Kid about Mail Order

Okay, so this one is not very politically correct, but then again neither are we, so oh well.

Shan has been getting a lot of mail lately. She's been bored and has been ordering stuff like crazy over the internet.

The other day she was with me when I drove up to the mail box. I saw a package addressed to her, noticed the return address, and asked "What in the world are you getting from China?"

Excitedly, she took the package and exclaimed, "My BRIDE!!!!"

Random Conversation with My Kid about Being in a Quandary

Me: I’m in a quarry.

Shan: You’re in a giant pit?

Me: No… the word that starts with Q that means 'dilemma.'

Shan: Why not just say 'dilemma?'

Me: Because Q words are worth more in Scrabble.

 Shan: You’re playing Scrabble in your MIND? (shakes head and walks away)

Random Conversation with My Kid about Over-Exaggerating

Me: "Stop looking at me like I'm crazy."

Shan: "Then stop biting off bat heads!"

Random Conversation with My Kid about Poster Children for Substance Abuse

The other night Shan and I were watching American Idol.

Elderly punk rocker Iggy Pop performed. Needless to say, he was a shirtless, skinny, oily, creepy mess.

Shan said, "This should be the only commercial that 'Above the Influence' uses like, ever."

Random Conversation with My Kid about Stir Craziness

Snowbound... Day 3 of captivity...

Me: "If I don't get out of this house, my life is going to turn into a Stephen King novel!"

Shan: "I hope it's not Carrie, because pigs blood, ewwww!