Random Conversation with My Kid about Irony

Me: “You contradict everything I say.”

My Kid: “No I don’t.”

Random Conversation with My Kid about Shopping

The other day, Shan and I were at the mall. We walked around for a couple of hours and found a few things that we needed but passed over most of the merchandise on display.

After a while, we sat on a bench to rest. (Well, I needed to rest.)

Shan: “Gah! I don't understand why so many kids my age love the mall so much. All this walking around with their nose in the air, spending their daddy's money on overpriced hoodies from name brand stores that scream ‘I'm a poser!’ I'd much rather go to Ross or Walmart.”

Pause.

Me: “I love you!”

Random Conversation with My Kid about Dad’s Cooking

As she always does, the other night, my teenager bellowed from her room -

Shannon: “Mom!!! Mom? Mommy, Lois! What's for dinner?”

Me: “Your daddy's putting a chicken on the grill.”

Shannon: “Chicken AGAIN?”

Me: “Well, it's either that or the puppy.”

Shannon: “Nah, I don't want Chinese.”

Random Conversation with My Kid about Personalities

Shan and I have some of our best chats while driving. The other day, on the way to school, we somehow got to talking about split personalities.

Me: “A lot of people say they have an ‘evil twin.’ I think I have ‘evil triplets.’”

Shan: “Perhaps you could be on a soap opera, or the latest reality show.”

Me: “I've noticed over the years that people are more interesting if they are nice at the core but also have an evil streak.”

Shan: “I think I'm evil with a nice streak.”

Me: “I think I'm worried now!”

Random Conversation with My Kid about Language

Shannon: “Have you ever noticed that English people speak English better than other people speak English?”

Me: “Maybe it’s because they like, invented the language?”

Shannon: “Or maybe because the word 'English' is in their name.”