Random Conversation with My Kid about Movies

While driving home from a school event one evening, Shannon and I played one of our favorite “car games” – Name That Movie Quote.

Shannon: “Me first. ‘Come with me if you want to live!’”

Me: “Terminator.”

Shannon: “Nooooo. Casper!”

Me: “Well it was in Terminator first.”

Shannon: “But Casper made it more adorable.”

Me: “Okay, whatever. My turn. ‘I got two pickles, I got two …’”

Shannon: “The Little Rascals!”

Me: “I didn’t even get to the good part.”

Shannon (rolls eyes): “My turn. ‘Inconceivable!’”

Me: “The Princess Bride!”

Shannon: “I think we’ve played this game too many times. Dude. We need a new game, seriously.”

Me: “I got one you won’t remember. ‘I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts, doo doo doo doo.’”

Shannon (sighing, bored now): “Lion King.”

Me: “Okay, I give up. New game. Whatcha got?”

Shannon: “Name 25 reasons why Buffy is better than Twilight.”

Me: “Only 25?? I’ll bite, pardon the pun.”

Random Conversation with My Kid about Political Correctness

Shannon and I have both been stranded at home with terrible bronchitis. Too much togetherness inevitably leads to bickering sometimes. Then hugs. And then more bickering.

Anyway, I decided to delve into the details of her personal life. Always risky but I was bored.

Me: “You still seein' that Indian boy?”

Shan: “It's NATIVE AMERICAN. We do not say INDIAN. Mother.”

Me: (rolls eyes) “Whatever. And it's not MOTHER. It's MATERNAL UNIT.”

Shan: (frogs me)

It was deserved...

Random Conversation with My Kid about Children

Saturday afternoon - Sitting at Hibachi restaurant with Shannon. We are enjoying the last part of our meal (the ice cream!) when suddenly she makes an “ugh” sound of intense displeasure.

It doesn’t take long to realize that she is once again annoyed at the sound of a crying child. She and I have had this discussion many times in the past couple of years. You know the one, the whole “why don’t people leave their children with grandma or a babysitter before coming out into a public place where other humans are trying to enjoy some moo goo gai pan?”

In the past I have patiently tried to explain to her teenaged brain that once upon a time, SHE was an infant and then a toddler and so forth. There have been times, although not very many, that she caused a scene in a public place. Furthermore, not all children are fortunate enough to have a grandma or sitter or whatnot and just have to come out with the moms and/or dads. Life just “is” that way.

As we have discussed ad nauseum - one day, when she has kids of her own she will learn all of these very important things. But instead of reiterating that lecture I simply say: “That’s going to be you one day.”

She replies, “Crying like a banshee because I just wet myself??”

(Sorry Will Smith, but it’s the KIDS who “just don’t understand.”)

Random Conversation with My Kid about Work

Thinking about a chat I had with my daughter last night around 11:30. We had been watching TV together and having a blast, catching up with “Bones” and the new shows “Community” and “Eastwick.” We strangely have similar tastes in television, although I digress…

Anyways, I was tired and said, “I have to go to bed. Got to get up early in the morning and go to work.” (Insert big sigh here.)

She responded: “Yes, because that whole job-having thing that you’ve got? That is awesome, especially in this economy. Right, mom?”

Needless to say, she put me in my place. I am now sitting in this very quiet office early on a Friday morning and very thankful to be here!

Random Conversation with My Kid about Vampires

Sitting in the living room with my daughter, once again complaining that there is less than nothing to watch on television. This leads to a lively discussion of our very favorite TV show ever – Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  We’re exchanging “quotable quotes” and replaying our favorite scenes. Lots of laughter and “remember this one” ramblings ensue. Later…

Me: “Have you noticed that the worst Buffy episode ever is still better than half the crap that’s on TV now?”

Shan: “Have you noticed that everyone is talking about how vampires are suddenly ‘in’? Helloooo? Buffy came out ten years ago.”

Me: “Twelve actually. Bandwagon missed by over a decade, ye olde merry media thou.”

Shan: “As Buffy would say, ‘Pathetic much?’”

Me: “Yep. That True Blood on HBO is just vampire porn.”

Shan: “No ‘wonderful world of vampire slayage’ and not a single witty pun?”

Me: “Too busy screwin’ to make puns.”

Shan: “Mom! Teenager sitting exactly right here. Gah!”

Me: “Whoops, sorry. Anyway, the Sookie Stackhouse books the show’s based on aren’t much better either.”

Shan: “Speaking of bookage… Don’t even get me started on how boring the Twilight series is… wait, I think I just fell asleep thinking about it.”

Me: “As Buffy would say, ‘Color me surprised.’  I thought the Bella/Edward bandwagon was a must-do for your age group.”

Shan: “Make me yak… You know what would be really cool? It they could cross genres.”

Me: “Shrug?”

Shan: “If they could bring Buffy and all the gang back, but instead of going to Sunnydale, they’d go to Forks and slay all the Cullens. They could recruit Jacob to the Scoobies!”

Me: “That’d be awesome. Then they could go to Hollywood and wipe out every single one of those celebretards on reality TV. I’d upgrade my cable to see that.”

Shan: “That’s it…. I’m writing Joss Whedon. AND Joel McHale.”